Hospital Ball

The first two months of the NFL season have come and gone.

What a season it’s been.

The Browns are 5–3, and Deshaun Watson might win Comeback Player of the Year. (Ironic.)

The Minnesota Vikings are 6–1 under the leadership of Kyler Murray. (It’s the defense.)

The Cowboys suck. (It’s their year.)

The Bills look like the top of the league at 6–1. (Lost to the Pats.)

And the Patriots? Well, it’s Week 9, and our health insurance provider is taking a beating.

One of the biggest storylines coming out of the offseason was the Patriots’ lack of depth. If anybody went down with an injury, how would this team hold up? Well, everybody got hurt. But we’re still holding up.

Thanks to the services of No. 10, MVP candidate Drake Maye, we’re sitting at 5–3, including a win against the Bills, because of what he’s managed to cobble together with hand-me-downs and a bunch of guys my mom asks, “Who’s that?” about 40 times in the first half.

It hasn’t been pretty, either. Especially this past week against the lowly Dolphins, who had us running for our money for much of the game. Can you blame us? Just look at everybody who has been questionable, missed a game, or landed on IR at some point this season.

Mike Onwenu (G, ankle), Romeo Doubs (WR, shoulder), Alijah Vera-Tucker (G, hamstring), Mack Hollins (WR, calf), Reggie Gilliam (FB, ankle/knee), Greg Van Roten (OL, thigh), Harold Landry (EDGE), Marcus Bryant (OT), A.J. Brown (WR), punter Bryce Baringer, special teamer Brenden Schooler (back), and TreVeyon Henderson (illness).

This week, Gabe Jacas (LB, knee) and Hunter Henry (TE, foot) are questionable.

You know who’s out on the field? Drake Maye.

He’s putting this team on his proverbial back, throwing three touchdowns in the second half to squish the fish. But this week, the challenge gets steeper. Green Bay is coming to town for a primetime 4:30 matchup, with the G.O.A.T. himself, Tom Brady, in the stands calling the shots.

Can Drake Maye find a way to work more miracles and strengthen his MVP case? We could certainly use some of the magic Ann-Michael Maye puts into her postgame brownies.

Midseason Power Rankings

I guess next week would technically mark the halfway point, but I’ll lay out my top 10 now to fill some space.

1. Buffalo Bills (6–1): They’ve looked real solid, except against us.

2. Chicago Bears (6–2): Look out, because this team is just starting to click.

3. Minnesota Vikings (6–1): A formidable defense, but the offense really hasn’t cemented itself yet.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5–2): Trevor Lawrence is a handsome half-horse man.

5. San Francisco 49ers (6–1): I think they’re overrated. Their schedule has been fairly easy.

6. Denver Broncos (6–2): Gutsy win against the Chiefs. I like Sean Payton, but I hate Bo Nix.

7. Detroit Lions (5–2): Tough to lose Jack Campbell, and the NFC North is the hardest division this year.

8. Kansas City Chiefs (5–2): Mahomes looks like he hasn’t lost a step. That sucks.

9. Cincinnati Bengals (5–2): Burrow and the boys are back. Just stay healthy.

10. New England Patriots (5–3): I don’t care. I’m a homer. When we’re healthy, we’re top three.

I don’t think any team has separated itself enough to be considered the clear Super Bowl favorite, and that’s what makes this season so great. The Patriots just need to get the casts off, stay on the field, and they’ll be right back in the race for the Lombardi.

Until then, Drake Maye needs to keep wearing the Superman cape. But hey, at least he’s going to be the MVP.

Back to the gridiron.